Late Nite Catechism is a “Classy” Comedy

by Mary Rolerson Hebert

“All right, all right!  Let’s settle down right now!  Are you chewing gum?”  barks Sister as she bustles down the aisle of the historic Ogunquit Playhouse.  Welcome to the adult catechism class of the 30-year veteran teacher known only as “Sister.”  Attired in traditional flowing habit with a silver crucifix hanging around her neck and an enormous rosary dangling from her waist, Sister commands attention from her “students” in the audience.  And they eagerly submit.

The setting is a sparse classroom littered with religious iconography.  The crucifix is centered above the blackboard while Mary statues adorn the teacher’s desk and learning centers.  One bulletin board shows off select US presidents: Lincoln, Washington, Bush, and of course the “best Catholic President of all times,” JFK.  The other bulletin board celebrates the revered religious leaders: Pope Paul II, Mother Mary, Jesus.  “Hallelujah” plays softly in the background as the lights go up – yes, up, as this stage is now a brightly lit classroom. 

It’s an intense classroom – hilarious and educational.  No one escapes the eagle eyes and ears of Sister as she lectures and drills:  “Why are you late?  You can’t be at class at 8:00 like the rest of us?  Gimme a dollar!”  She never misses a fact during lecture time as she reminds her pupils, “We don’t clap in class!”  Can’t answer your question in a full sentence? Don’t know what the Immaculate Conception was?  Don’t worry, the kinder side of Sister will chide you not to cry and as she races back to her classroom to fetch you a Kleenex.  Reprimands are quickly followed by rewards, and the lucky students receive glow-in-the-dark rosaries and saint cards, the “baseball cards of the Catholic religion.”

Sister is played by the quick-witted Barbara Hunt who delivers her lines and her ad libs with rollicking humor.  She pines for the pre-Vatican II times when ladies wore hats, mass was in Latin, and the priest stood back-to his congregation.  Now he faces front “like he’s on a cooking show.” 

She also misses her classroom of 50 students where the “girls were good and the boys were bad.”  Proudly displaying the broken-ruler-chairs she’s constructed, she quizzes the audience about their religious corporal punishment experiences.  She pities the “publics” who parents didn’t love them enough to send them to parochial school. 

Sister also questions theological changes to concepts such as Limbo and Purgatory- added to save those with “a stain on their soul.”   Limbo is the “nursery in heaven” for those non-baptized babies; Purgatory is the place you wait while “grounded.”   She further instructs us that the Trinity, or “three, three, three-Gods-in-one” has recently been modified as the Holy Ghost is replaced by the Holy Spirit.

Along with all the sweeping changes that have faced the church comes the amusing re-evaluation of the Saints.  Sister’s assignment: vote for who will remain a saint and who will not.   The worthiness of six of the 75,000 icons of Catholic culture is debated as Sister reminds us why they were nominated in the first place.   For example, St. Christopher, patron saint of travel, is demoted to Mr. Christopher as he was “too stubborn to stop and ask for directions.”  St. Joseph, however, stays.  Not only would Mary be a single mother in the Nativity scenes, but Joseph is used to sell houses.   “Students” happily verify successful sales, provided the seller buries his statue in the backyard, head down and facing the house. (Don’t forget to dig him up after the sale!)

Although the script is set, it is loosely structured to allow for audience interaction. “Sister” Barbara Hunt enjoys the verbal battles with the audience as she ad-libs her way through the script.  Interviewed by the Journal Tribune, Barbara claims that “Sometimes people try to outsmart me, but I don’t let them.  As a sister, I can’t let them win. I find it easy to ad lib.  I look around to see if anyone’s chewing gum or doing something and then I jump on that person.”  Her talent was clearly evidenced as a cell phone rang in the middle of her performance.  “Let me answer that!” she roared, rushing toward the culprit.  During intermission, one patron called her son at home to google the answer to one of Sister’s questions about Cain and Abel.  She promptly scolded: “That’s cheating!  And a double sin for cheating on a religious question!”

Hunt’s ad-lib specialty is truly tested near the end of “class” during the impromptu Q&A session. When asked about the relationship between Jesus and Mary Magdalene, Barbara wonders if the student has perhaps been reading The Davinci Code? “And where in the bookstore would you find this book?  The FICTION section!”  

If you’re interested in refreshing your knowledge of the saints or just want to laugh hard and long, Late Nite Catechism is hilarious interactive theater. This stand up comedy show poking fun at the old-fashioned respect and rigidity of the Catholic culture.  Written by Maripat Donavan and Vickie Quade in 1993, Late Nite Catechism was originally produced at the Live Bait Theater in Chicago.  Patrons of any faith, or none at all, will enjoy the good-natured satire. Attend class at Late Nite Catechism, directed by Marc Silvia and Mary McAuliffe, at John Lane's Ogunquit Playhouse through August 16^th. Call 207.646.5511 to reserve your ticket.  (Thursday & Friday Evenings - $39 - Saturday Evening - $45)